Lessons learned on Burnout after Experiencing 2 of them
and regaining myself in the process!
The first time I heard the word “burnout” was back in 2018 when one of the members of a project I was coordinating, cited burnout as a cause and left the team.
I remember searching for it, reading symptoms such as a sense of failure and self-doubt, feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated, loss of motivation, detachment, feeling alone in the world, restlessness, sleepless nights, anxiety, feeling emotionally distraught, and wondering what can bring one in such a situation.
Then, the pandemic hit, and our lives were changed forever.
It is in the last 1 year that I fully understood and felt what it means to go through burnout. In 2021, I experienced two burnouts, five months apart from each other, the first one in March and the second in August; with the burnout in March being softer and shorter as right after were the Easter vacations, and I took all the needed time I could.
The burnout in August was the worst of the two. It came directly after a huge event I was coordinating and organizing in Greece (i.e. Leadership Summer School — LSS). LSS was and still is a magical event. However, what happened to me was that I got overworked, due to Covid-19 I ended up being the sole organizer at the location for close to 8 days having to deal with any unexpected situations. And on top of that, I had to use my personal savings to save the event.
That last decision made me feel I need to step it up at work, get more clients, overwork myself so I could potentially get out of the black.
It was the second week of August, last summer when I realized something was definitely off with my body, soul, and mind. I couldn’t focus anymore, my body didn’t want to sit still and I felt trapped, emotionally distraught and this dread rising just in the thought of having to sit in front of a screen (again!).
Those symptoms felt familiar and I realized that I was going yet, again, through another burnout. I took a week off from my business, and during that first day, I just lay on my bed looking at the ceiling. Over the next days, I started going out for long walks, jogging, swimming, driving around with no destination, and doing activities that didn’t require any screens.
Little by little I found pieces of myself, regaining who I used to be before this burnout knocked on my door. But I still felt off, this dread and feeling of being trapped were creeping up, they were still there.
And just like that, I was on an emotional roller coaster: Sadness, dread, frustration, confusion, melancholy, stress, envy, anger, fear, shame. Not in that order and not just one at a time. This emotional roller coaster lasted until the end of September.
What helped me get off the emotional roller coaster:
- taking long walks in parks/nature
- coaching (I was doing peer-coaching as part of a coaching certification)
- driving with no destination
- daydreaming with music in the background
- yoga
- free writing
- and finally, making a commitment to myself to never arrive in such a situation.
Having gone through this burnout helped me realize:
- I need to take care of my body, mind, and soul before I arrive in situations I can’t change.
- Having a coach helps to get pragmatic actions in place.
- I need to rest regularly, not when I feel burnout is approaching.
- Having gone through burnout doesn’t make me less reliable, less productive, less responsive, less. It makes me a human being.
I truly hope my experience helps someone else going through burnout to feel that there is light at the end of a very dark tunnel and that we can talk more openly about issues such as burnout.
Dear reader, I want you to know, you are not alone!
