I need to be patient while THEY are catching up…
Who are they and why do I care?
This week I was called biased. I was told I am being prejudiced against a person who seems to identify as a white, cis-gender woman because I kept repeating that I have experienced discrimination by her last year.
The other 2 members who said that I am biased, not once but twice, seem to also identify as white, cis-gender women. They were in conversation with me; a conversation where I, the only white, non-binary self-identifying person in the room, didn’t feel safe to respond or rebut their comment. This conversation took place in an ICF Greece live outing where different committees of the Greek coaching chapter presented their goals and activities for 2023.
The conversation was about the lack of inclusion the chapter had in the past, the discrimination few members experienced, and how we can move forward and change that. Because this year, the new board created a Diversity and Inclusion committee, that is being staffed by members who have faced discrimination in the past.
Isn’t that great? Awesome! All of us who are different and diverse, are part of a committee; and our task is to create awareness about diversity and inclusion among the rest who never had to think about inclusion before today.
Should I say congrats? No?
If that’s not divisive, then I don’t know what is. Staffing a committee with members who by society’s definition aren’t part of the norm, arming them with “you can do it, our chapter lacks inclusion, and we believe in you” and expecting them to make it while also calling them biased and prejudiced for pointing out again and again and again the discrimination they experienced under past board administrations.
Out of the 35+ people in that gathering, only 2 people made me feel safe while conversing with me. They used open language, listened with curiosity, and didn’t make any judgments based on their patriarchal views. And yes, patriarchy is deeply rooted in Greece, in every single moment or interaction with others.
It’s seeping out from any conversation, look or eye-roll people make, when something they don’t agree with, is attempting to smash the facade they took years to build. These 2 members went on and on about how I might be biased, how in Greece they never came in contact with non-binary people before, how this is too far away from what they are used to, and that I need to be patient while they are catching up.
I need to be patient while they are catching up…
Can you spot the mistakes in the phrase above? What do you see? Do we see the same thing? That again, I don’t matter. My emotions, thoughts, the discrimination I experienced, and the long while I waited for you, them, and society to catch up, don’t matter. I am invisible, once again.
I need to wait for them to catch up. What the actual fuck???? Why do I need to be patient while they catch up? Why do I need to feel unsafe, decide before every outing if I have to go and how do I handle myself, spot all the exits in the bar, restaurant, and space I am in, memorize negotiation tactics, how to seem less threatening tactics, and be able to put them in practice if needed? Why do I have to be the one to let things go, like “hello ladies and gentlemen”, and “let the ladies speak” — me being one of the so-called “ladies” — Why not them?
There is a saying (possibly in Greek — not sure) that the most dangerous being on planet Earth is a white, cis-gender man. I would like to add here also the white, cis-gender woman, especially when there are a lot of them together, who think they are right, and forget that on this planet, they aren’t the only ones.
And about the Greek coaching chapter, well, I am not sure if they can become inclusive. For that to happen, they — the majority of the chapter are white men and women — need to start demolishing the privilege, sexism, misogyny, white supremacy, and patriarchy that has been ingrained in them. And then we can talk, maybe. How can they expect to learn about becoming inclusive towards others if they don’t unlearn all the ways patriarchy and white supremacy taught them that they are privileged?
I wonder how I end up getting stuck in such environments and how can I find people who have unlearned and are re-learning how to be empathic, and inclusive human beings.
Do these people exist in the business world? And if yes, where?
