Being Afraid to Speak?
Really? You? I would never imagine it possible…
Recently, in one of the teams I am part of I brought a gender-identity topic. One of its members when talking about me said “Oh, but you look like a woman”. She said that because I wear clothes that for her are considered feminine, a blazer and lip gloss.
During the discussion on the gender-identity topic, another member, who self-identifies as a woman, said that now “she is afraid to speak and say something wrong” and I assume she means she is afraid to speak in relation to my gender identity or words that describe me. I replied telling her that she can be herself and make mistakes, she doesn’t need to be afraid but boy was I wrong! (mind you, it’s an expression!)
What I really wanted to say is this:
“Yes, motherfucker, I want you to be afraid. I have been afraid since I started identifying openly as non-binary and had to deal with people like you! Be afraid! And when speaking about trans and non-binary people like me make it right on your first try!”
Because let’s be honest this is what people who don’t fit society’s standards have to deal with on an everyday basis. It’s time for you to see how it is, especially if you fit in the following labels — white, cis, man or woman, able-bodied, neurotypical.
I want you to feel what it means to be afraid:
👹When you see on social media a mass of 150 people literally hunting down 2 non-binary citizens and throwing water bottles at them;
👹When trans and non-binary citizens are found murdered and the police doesn’t do anything to catch the perpetrators;
👹When the parliament passes a law about equality to marriage for gay men and lesbian women but forgets that within its borders, there are trans and nonbinary people who deserve to be seen;
👹When everyday in any channel (tv, social media, radio, etc), many someones will spew so much homophobia and transphobia that would be too much for you to handle in one serving;
👹When you decide to leave your house and buy groceries, for example, you receive slurs and eye-rolls and hateful comments because they cannot understand what you are, a man or a woman.
Yes, I want you to feel afraid too.
More than you already feel.
I want you to fucking think why does it have to be on us, the ones who don’t fit society’s boxes, to be afraid every minute of every day of our existence? Why not you too?
And when the tables turn and we ask you to do the absolute minimum such as use the words we want to talk about us, you need to be able to realize that “Hey! These are people too, they deserve to be talked the way they want and I need to do it instead of standing there and blurting out “I am afraid to speak up and make mistakes” defensively”.
In a patriarchal and white supremacist world, the only way to survive is together but first, you who possess a massive amount of privilege and me too, need to start unlearning how to be someone else’s ally and use our privilege to give them access to the table, wherever that table may be. We include them in our talks and discussions, we believe them because they belong.
I hope one day I will be able to leave my house without having a million backup scenarios of what to do when…
I hope one day I will be less afraid about my right to exist.
